Fair warning, this is a long, slightly unhappy post. Moving forward.
Running, for me, is a solitary sport. Time restrictions do not allow me to run with a local group and, frankly, I'm not there yet. For me, where is does not become so solitary are the races. That's when I get to share my love of running with my friends and family, hopefully, and meet others along the way.
My mother has attended two of my races, my father one, and I have gone to one race all by my lonesome. What is the difference between the Turkey Dash that I ran without any spectators and the Color Run that I will have to run tomorrow alone? The Turkey Dash was in my hometown -- Thousand Oaks, CA -- and I actually met up with people at the start and finish line that just happened to be running too. The Color Run will be at Dodger's Stadium, a place that I have never been to in a city I already don't like.
That's why I asked a friend to come along. I had rose colored glasses on at the time. They are a night owl and I somehow persuaded them to wake up and come down with me for a 9am run. Speaking with them earlier in the week, I had the glasses off, and I quickly saw how cruel I was for asking. So I gave them an out and they took it. Add to that a long, hard week. Full of self-imposed stress that has resulted in infrequent eating, little sleep, physical clutter that is disgusting, and general anxiety about everything. This smallest hiccup has my already fragile house crumbling and I am conflicted about going to the race tomorrow. Will I run, train for my 10K? Of course. But the idea of going to a race that is all about color and fun and friends when I don't have anyone I know to share it with... cuts me down a little.
I guess we'll see how I feel tomorrow morning.